Sunday, September 11, 2005

The appropriate use of email

After the torrid email scandals of the last fortnight, I was heartened and delighted to find that some people still hold the principles of proper email usage close to their hearts.

Tonight, I received an email from the fabulously named Dubiety S. Swaggerer.

It's so good, I am just going to reproduce most of it, with some square bracketed comments.

Need Extra Income? Lack money?
[I hadn't realised these were two different categories til now]
New opportunities for you - today!
[No time like the present!]
[Insert name of organisation] invites you to cooperation.
[I like the thought that cooperation is a place.]
-you are responsible and accurate
[I wish it were so. Irresponsible and sloppy. But moving along ...]
-you can work without a supervision
[Not just a supervision! I work without any supervision!]
-you are from 18 till 70 year old
[Not sure if this means: 1) you are grimly clinging to late adolescence til senescence is indisputable or (2) you are older than 18 and grow 70 year olds in your fields, but whichever way, I subscribe.]
-you have free time (2-4 hours daily)

[I can make time for this opportunity]
-you have basic Internet knowledge and access to a computer with internet connection.(e-mail access) -you have an idea of bank transfers and money payment systems operations -you have Western Union/MoneyGram in your city
[Yup. This is where my interest was sparked.]
This is your chance:

-no experience necessary!
-no financial risk!
-no charge for introduction!
[To whom?]
-the job we offer is related to email, it is an easy job which doesn't require leaving your main occupation!
[Excellent, my employers will weep for joy that I can participate in Nigerian email scams and hold down my day job]
Contact us, your job is waiting for you!
[If only my fingers could type as fast as my imagination has taken me to my glorious new life as an internet hoaxer!]
If you are intrested in the job please fill in this form and send it to [insert email address here].

That's all really, the rest just asks for my CV (and, sweetly, 'Some words about you'). They also ask, quite nicely:

Please send your application forms to [insert email address here] only!

Clearly, there is hot competition for people with email access, little to no experience, and ready access to Western Unions and Moneygrams.

If I don't blog for a while, you'll all understand why. I am off to start my brilliant career.


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