Here no gags, no gags here

John Howard said today that burning the flag should not be made a criminal offence because it was an expression of political opinion.

Much as all I despise what they did I do not believe it should be a criminal offence ... I see that kind of thing as just as expression, however offensive to the majority of the Australian community, an expression of political opinion. I do not think we achieve anything by making it a criminal offence - we only turn yahoo behaviour into martyrdom.

It's a commendable sentiment. But where does that leave the man who was sentenced to three month's jail on 13 January for burning a flag in the aftermath of the Cronulla riots?

Happy Survival Day!

Good to see that John Howard has finally acknowledged in his Australia Day address that all those involved in the Cronulla riots should be ashamed of themselves (although he doesn't think the shame should extend back as far as our attempted genocide of the country's original inhabitants), but I am intrigued by his statement that Australia shouldn't adopt a bill of right because it could be misinterpreted or have unintended consequences. What - people might conclude that they have rights? That'd be radical!

Tag dag

Hmmph. I have been tagged by Glutbusters, so am playing along. But I am going to break the tagging chain. Sorry Pete.


FOUR JOBS I'VE HAD

1) Tax researcher. I only remembered this one when I googled myself and I found an article about 'skinning the anti-avoidance cat' which I apparently co-authored. The lecturer I worked for was lovely, but he couldn't work without broadway musicals at full volume. I may be the only person (other than him) who associates GST with the soundtrack of Oklahoma.

2) Selling tickets over the phone. Maybe my favourite job ever. My fellow employees made the guys in Clerks look like motivated go-getters. God it was fun. I still harbour dreams of applying for another job there but I've heard nasty rumours that they've since adopted a professional manner.

3) Bar maid in Ireland. Actually, I was something called a lounge girl, which effectively meant drinks waitress. I was terrible. Since then, I've had a deep respect for professional waiters.

4) Corporate lawyer.


FOUR MOVIES I CAN WATCH OVER AND OVER

1) Dirty Dancing. No excuses, no apologies. Nobody puts Baby in a corner.

2) Breakfast at Tiffanys. How can such an extended plug for a jeweller be so good? It wouldn't have been the same with Marilyn Monroe as Holly Golightly. The book's great, too. V excited about the new Truman Capote movie, too.

3) Mary Poppins. Sheer brilliance.

4) To kill a mockingbird. The reason I became a lawyer. NB: It's not an accurate portrayal of life in the law. My dog, Scout, who ate 23 Nurofen, had to get her stomach pumped and ended up brain damaged, is named after the narrator. I heart the book too. And Harper Lee is a character in the new Truman Capote film! See 2), above.


FOUR PLACES I'VE LIVED

1) East Melbourne (a block away from the 'G)

2) Blackrock, Dublin (where I met an elvis impersonator/tv critic and writer/ all round good guy)

3) Coogee, Sydney (when I was pretending to be a sydneysider)

4) Newtown, Sydney (when I realised I was really a melbourne girl. I met my favourite cultural commentator of all time there)


FOUR TV SHOWS I LOVE

1) Buffy

2) Sex & the city

3) Margaret and David at the movies

4) The 7:30 Report


FOUR PLACES I'VE BEEN ON HOLIDAYS

1) China

2) Lebanon

3) Cambodia

4) Houseboat on the Murray


FOUR OF MY FAVOURITE DISHES

1) Gado gado

2) Baked ricotta with preserved lemons

3) Pizza for a friend

4) Steak

FOUR SITES I VISIT DAILY

1) The SMH Crossword puzzle

2) www.bloglines.com All my fave blogs in one spot.

3) The Age online (I know it should be the same as the SMH, but it's not - the comparative top ten articles viewed daily tells the story. I don't know why).

4) Google



FOUR PLACES I WOULD RATHER BE RIGHT NOW

1) On the houseboat (8 days to go)

2) Vientiane (2 months to go)

3) Wiley's baths, Coogee

4) Fitzroy Baths (in fact, I may go there now)

When a picture is worth a thousand words

Let the games begin!

Someone to watch over my wrinkles

Us single girls need to have something to dream of. While Katie and Tom are love's young dream, sometimes you just need something a little closer to home. And that's what I really like about this week's 'For Better, For Worse' profile in the Sunday Age. It's about Frank Vella, a 38 year old cosmetic physician and Michelle, his lovely if somewhat impassive 39 year old wife. I'll just excerpt my favourite bits:

Frank says ... At first, she was a bit sceptical about letting me give her Botox. But now I use it in the vertical creases between her eyebrows, in her crows' feet and to sculpt her brow. We'll be having breakfast and she'll say, 'Do you think my Botox has worn off?' so I think she's hooked! [Editor's note: of course, it's difficult to tell, since her expression doesn't change any more]

But if anything, I would say that me giving her Botox has prevented arguments. We get on better because she doesn't have that frown that makes her look angry and unapproachable. In fact, I'd say our relationship has notably improved. [Editor's note: non-cosmetic physicians without ready access to muscle-paralysing injections can of course resort to the expedient box over the head to avoid encountering those tell-tale facial expressions. You don't need to put up with moodiness from your woman!].

Michelle says ... Frank had to talk me into the Botox initially [Editor's note: I wish I'd been a fly on that wall]. But now I think it's great. I'll be forty this year but people tend to think I'm younger. I suppose some women would think I'm lucky because he can just whip the Botox out of the fridge at home! [Editor's note: You said it! Who wants a partner who cooks dinner when you can have a man who cooks up a whole new you! ]

Like they say in the classics, love means never having to change your facial expression (or something). Isn't that tickety-boo! Now I just have to wait (making sure my face stays very, very still) 'til Mr Right comes along!

What has the world come to ...

... when even the purveyor of the world's most hideous classical muzak doesn't want to be a part of our fair nation?* It's kind of the opposite of Groucho Marx's comment about never wanting to be a member of any club that would have him - to be in a club that Nigel Kennedy doesn't want to be a part of cuts deep.

It's a kick in the teeth our embattled sense of self** really didn't need. Forget the protesters. Forget the polls. Forget the lack of WMDs. Surely this fresh indignity will persuade Johnny to rethink his commitment to Iraq.

* Although he is happy enough to cheer on the Socceroos at the World Cup. Sing while you're winning and all that.
** What our sense of self might actually be is not a question that rewards serious consideration at the moment. Australia at the beach is not a pretty insight into the national psyche.

Newsflash: breakthrough scientific research

Japan's Institute of Cetacean Research announces a new research project into the longevity of environmental activists.

do ya think i'm sexy

This may be the only time Shane Warne is accused of having excessive appeal (boom boom).

Happy new year! And remember, Warney loves you (or would offer to if he had your mobile number).